SK Transitions: Digital Divide (Preview)

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EricoBard
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Re: SK Transitions: Digital Divide (Preview)

Postby EricoBard » Wed Jul 19, 2017 4:33 pm

That's Transitions all right. The second chapter's just a click away from that. :)

And I get focusing on the reading. I also like to do nothing else but when I'm reading/studying.

-Erico
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Re: SK Transitions: Digital Divide (Preview)

Postby MoDaD » Fri Jul 21, 2017 2:10 pm

This was a great story.

Admittedly, I did not read the prior installment to this series, but due to your excellent use of exposition, which did not come at the expense of the story told in “Transitions,” there was just enough allusions and teases at previous events to inform the reader - I’d make the argument that this works well as a standalone work, akin to tuning into a televised drama mid-season.

The real strengths of this story are the characters internal monologues as contrasted with their external dialogue. This is easily among the best written the Metallikats have ever been, up there with Ty-Chou’s in terms of drama and Whiplash’s in terms of humor. Speaking from personal experience, they are a very challenging duo to write for (a handful of scenes was taxing enough for me, but you successfully carry an entire story with them).

The subtle differences between Mac and Molly really drive the themes one can infer from the story’s title, and before I reached the halfway point in the story I was already feeling invested in the outcome. Delving into how the loss of humanity (or is it Katmanity? Whatever…) affected both of them and their transformations (or perhaps amplifications) of their personalities was a very nice touch.

Even in a setting where the status quo has been changed, everyone still felt very in-character, and I applaud your use of ancillary characters, injecting just enough fan-derived logic and backstory to make them real, but not so much that they steal the spotlight or become distracting. That’s a hard thing to do.

As for our main protagonists, everyone felt very in-character, particularly in an environment where the status quo has obviously changed. The sprinkling of profanity here and there is usually a bit distracting for a story that’s framed as “true to the the show,” but I think it works well in this.

As far as structure, everything was very professionally put together. There weren’t any glaring logic holes (using the show’s standards for this). Situations that were obviously unfair are meant to be unfair. Characters that do stupid things are meant to do stupid things. Things that are meant to be juvenile exchanges are there because they’re a reflection of the characters doing them, etc.

Technical issues, almost none. This was obviously proofread with a fine tooth comb. But, if I’m going to review it honestly, I’ll point out a few things.

Hackal vs Hackel – inconsistent at least once
Mike vs mic – one is an overused name and the other is something you yell at (sometimes there’s no distinction XD )
“Don’t do crashing on me” – do -> go
“The red, black, and yellow missiles meant for him to hit her instead”
“…and I've had some scuttlebutt that they may close…” - heard


Anyway, I only mention those because they’re easy fixes that will make this perfect. Haven't edited a story on FF.net in a long time - I remember it being a little bit of a pain. I hate it when these creep in (my stories are frequently plagued with errant consonants and state of being verbs MIA).

And, the part that I most enjoyed, because narratively you had been building up to this, and right when I was thinking “Come on, there’s no way he’d admit it…” you swerved and delivered:

Spoiler:
Molly was gone. His fault. What had he...
Impact warning. Seek immediate repairs.
...What had they done...
Their fault. The Enforcers.
The SWAT Kats. The grease monkeys who played dress up.

I loved this part. He almost has a hint of responsibility, but no, his character (or lack thereof TboneLaughCait ) shines through and appropriately shifts the blame. Very nicely portrayed.

I also really enjoyed the references to other episodes, particularly A Bright and Shiny Future. When Hackle reveals a certain thing, I was hoping that Razor would make the connection, and I wasn't disappointed.

And, your conclusion did not disappoint. I was glad that the minor mystery teased earlier on was addressed and not forgotten about (and it didn't feel tacked on - you obviously wrote with this in mind). When that last-minute surprise character made an appearance and that interaction occurred, I was crossing my fingers, hoping for the EXACT action that happened. And, I was not disappointed.
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EricoBard
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Re: SK Transitions: Digital Divide (Preview)

Postby EricoBard » Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:06 pm

The MAK and Mac Metallikat was intentional; I wanted to link the two so strongly in the minds of the victims of this latest crisis that Pumadyme could never restart the project. And I do my own editing, so if things do get through, you can imagine how much they aggravate me. (I'm a first draft perfectionist!) I'll give it a look and quick fix. Thanks for picking them out.

One I found myself; Pumadyme and Pumadyne. It's officially Pumadyme (According to the Encyclopedia), but it's been stuck in my head as Pumadyne for so long, it's hard to get over. Still. Pumadyme/Paradigm. It should be obvious.

Overall, I'm glad you liked it, and approved of my take not only on the personalities of the Metallikats, but of the reasoning and undertones behind the two main storyline threads in this chapter; Felina vs. Commander Feral, and Jake vs. the Future.

Modad, you always do an awesome job of thoroughly picking through a story and listing their highlights and their deficits; much better than I do. My own review of your work from five years ago is lacking in comparison. That said, it DOES need a sequel... :)

-Erico
Last edited by EricoBard on Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: SK Transitions: Digital Divide (Preview)

Postby MoDaD » Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:10 pm

EricoBard wrote:...from five years ago...

Surely that much time hasn't already passed...

...

...

...

ManxScared
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The MEGA SWAT Kast | Discord | @TheSWATKats | YouTube Channel | The SWAT Kats Encyclopedia | Fandom Awards | Avatar by Kanogetz | @_MoDaD_
My schedule's been VERY inundated as of late. If I don't reply to you in a timely fashion please accept my apologies in advance. Thank you for your understanding!


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