The MEGA SWAT Kast - The Ballad of Big Bad Shard

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The MEGA SWAT Kast - The Ballad of Big Bad Shard

Postby MoDaD » Wed Mar 07, 2018 3:47 pm

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In a prison with one prisoner near a golf course with one golfer there was a giant of a guy named Rex Shard who was serving a 9-life sentence for assault with a deadly pun. What happens when you give him an experimental, untested and highly dangerous piece of mining equipment? Let ol’ Jimmy Dean tell you a story…

Please adjust your humor targeting displays to the lowest common denominator, and note that the accuracy of recollection missiles may vary.

Show Episode: Chaos in Crystal

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Re: The MEGA SWAT Kast - The Ballad of Big Bad Shard

Postby Felony » Wed Mar 07, 2018 6:46 pm

LOL!! LOVE the Ballad of Big Bad Shard. XD Well done!

Too much Bedazzling? No such thing!

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Re: The MEGA SWAT Kast - The Ballad of Big Bad Shard

Postby MoDaD » Wed Mar 07, 2018 6:54 pm

By request, here's the lyrics:

Spoiler:
Every day at the prison mine you’d see him arrive
He stood sixty-foot six and weighed two thousand forty-five
Kinda sharp at the shoulders, his pilfered crystals clutched
And everybody knew ya didn’t want to be touched by Big Shard
(Big Shard, Big Shard)
Big bad Shard (Big Shard)

Everybody seemed to know where Shard called home
He drifted into town on a 9-life sentence foreknown
He spoke his mind about the warden and guards
And if you spoke at all, you just agreed with Big Shard

Somebody said he came from Megakat Springs
Where he got in a fight over a Megalith Queen
And a smashin’ crystal from a huge right hand
Sent an Enforcer fellow to the promised land, big Shard
(Big Shard, Big Shard)
Big bad Shard (Big Shard)

Then came the day at the bottom of the mine
When a science experiment did not go fine
Gemkat 6000 broken apart in a blast
Everyone thought he’d breathed his last, ‘cept Shard

Through the technicolor lights of smoke and debris
Walked out a giant of a guy sparkling with energy
Grabbed the nearest guard by his collar
Transformed him into pure crystal with nary a holler
(Big Shard, Big Shard)
Big bad Shard (Big Shard)

And with all of his strength he declared
He’d get his revenge ‘gainst those who’d imprisoned him there
And twenty men scrambled to no avail
Now there’s only one left, a bit out of scale, Big Shard

With tanks and choppers they tried to back him down
Then came that rumble way down in the ground
And then lights and beams shot out in a shine
Everybody knew it was the end of the line…
(Big Shard, Big Shard)
Big bad Shard (Big Shard)

Now, The SWAT Kats eventually saved the day
Used a sonic boom to shatter the crystal away
They turned everything back to normal,
Except for Warden Meece who’s still a pile of rubble…
Big Shard
(Big Shard, Big Shard)
Big bad Shard (Big Shard)
(Big Shard) Big Bad Shard
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Re: The MEGA SWAT Kast - The Ballad of Big Bad Shard

Postby Kooshmeister » Thu Mar 08, 2018 8:38 pm

Just a clarification; when I said "he's in the crowd outside the nuclear power plant in The Wrath of Dark Kat," I meant the white-haired boy from Night of the Dark Kat, not the Elvis-haired kid in sweatpants from this episode. We see neither the white-haired boy nor his father here in this episode, AFAIK. Maybe Elvis kid is the son of the guy in the red sweater (who himself reminds me of Mickey Rooney's character from It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World)? They seem to stand close together, from what I can remember.
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Re: The MEGA SWAT Kast - The Ballad of Big Bad Shard

Postby marklungo » Thu Mar 08, 2018 9:21 pm

Another well-done episode--and now we're doing song parodies? I love this fandom!
Last edited by marklungo on Fri Mar 09, 2018 11:53 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The MEGA SWAT Kast - The Ballad of Big Bad Shard

Postby Kooshmeister » Fri Mar 09, 2018 8:10 am

Also, my explanation for why Shard's... er, shard pings off the hatch of Feral's Peacekeeper but not the engine got cut (I think). I quoted the movie Kelly's Heroes where Donald Sutherland's character Oddball explains how to take out a Nazi Tiger tank. It probably didn't get used because of time or because of bad language ( FeralStopSign ), but it goes basically: "A Tiger has only one weak point. That's its @$$. You've got to hit it point blank and you've got to hit it from behind."

For whatever reason, the area around the engine was less armored than anywhere else on the tank (at least according to Kelly's Heroes). I dunno if that has applied to other tanks before or since, but that film's explanation for why they had to hit the enemy tanks from the rear popped into my mind when the issue of the shard piercing the engine but failing to penetrate anywhere else on the Peacekeeper came up. FeralIcon
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Re: The MEGA SWAT Kast - The Ballad of Big Bad Shard

Postby Ty-Chou » Mon Mar 19, 2018 9:59 pm

Awesome job on the ballad, MoDaD! Definitely my favorite part of this episode. My favorite Callie scene is also that "I don't like the setting" line. Probably the best thing that came out of this episode.

Also, Rex Shard's tiddy missiles. XD
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